EYNESFORD & FARNINGHAM
DANGEROUS SPORTS SOCIETY

Cheese Rolling Day.

Those of us with parched gardens were pleased to be greeted with the downpour that heralded the start of the Great Eynesford and Farningham Cheese Rolling Competition but it did mean that conditions underfoot were even more treacherous than usual.

Members of the EFDSS and FLC, along with various supporters, partners etc. gathered at the top of The Goss (previously Death Hill) for an afternoon of sport and high jinks which were thoroughly enjoyed by all.

Results as follows:

• Individual Male:
• • 1st. The Witch Operator tbc
  • 2nd. The Mechanic
  • 3rd. The Desk Sergeant, West Kingsdown Police Station. (I didn't get his name as he was too busy taking down the particulars of the organisers & contestants but if he contacts the committee, as I'm sure he will at some point in the near future, his prize of a years supply of ice cream from Farningham Post Office is currently being held in the cupboard in the Committee Room.
• N.B. This result is under appeal as the use by the witch operator of an electrically powered scooter, although not strictly against the rules, was considered by some to be against the Spirit of the Society.
• Individual Female
• • 1st. Swunky tbc
  • 2nd. Blossom tbc
  • 3rd. W.P.C. 69 (I didn't get her name as she was too busy assisting in the taking down of the particulars of the organisers & contestants but if she contacts the committee, as I'm sure she will at some point in the near future, her prize of a years supply of ice cream from Farningham Post Office is also being held in the cupboard in the Committee Room.)
• N.B. This result is under appeal as the entry of someone who considers that their gender is not as assigned at birth, although not strictly against the rules, was considered by some to be against the Spirit of the Society. It was suggested that "just putting on a frock and lipstick for the day wasn't of itself sufficient justification to be labelled 'Female'.
• Team Event
• • 1st. Farningham Lifeboat Crew tbc
  • 2nd. Eynesford & Farningham Dangerous Sports Society tbc
  • 3rd=. Mixed Morris
    3rd=. West Kingsdown Police
• N.B. This result is under appeal for the same reason as the Individual Male race and also because, although not strictly forbidden by the rules, racing for more than one team at a time is considered by some to be against the Spirit of the Society.
• Post Race Drinking Competition
• • 1st. Mixed Morris (by a country mile)
  • 2nd. Farningham Lifeboat Crew
• N.B. No 3rd place was awarded as the other teams failed to finish the course and the late entry from West Kingsdown Police was thrown out as it was considered that only turning up to the last pub, closing it down and breathalysing all the contestants was considered not to be in the Spirit of the Society.

At the post-event inquest meeting the committee put forward various suggestions as to how the event could be improved for next year's race.

• 1. Combining the Male and Female Individual Races into one event would obviate the need for intrusive investigation into the sexuality of the competitors. There was only one objection to this, the Cox said he was loath to give up his role of identity investigator just because of one or two complaints from contestants who thought having to drop their drawers in the layby outside Brands Hatch was unbecoming, but this objection was over-ruled by the Chair.
• 2. It had been suggested that closing The Goss section of the A20 to motorised traffic for the duration of the racing would not only make racing easier but would deal with the problems that arose due to the use of vehicles in the race (see results for the Individual Male & Team races). This proposal was thrown out on the following grounds:
  • i. The application to the Highways Agency would be costly and time-consuming and was likely to fail.
  • ii. As it was becoming increasingly difficult to attract younger members (snowflakes all) and the onset of old age and infirmity on the existing members meant that the use of electrically powered vehicles was going to increase amongst the membership, that banning such vehicles would be discriminatory.
  • iii. That the idea of removing vehicles from the course was a load of H & S nonsense and against the Spirit of the Society.
• 3. Due to conditions mentioned in 2.ii. above and to conform with disability discrimination legislation, new classes be introduced, one for electrically propelled vehicles and another for manually propelled vehicles. Despite some misgivings about the wisdom of allowing such conveyances to mix with other road users as well as able-bodied contestants, the committee agreed to canvass the members and other interested parties on this proposal.
• 4. That The Rules should be amended to insist that the cheeses rolled on the day be actual whole, round, cheeses and not the blocks acquired, no doubt in good faith, by the Accountant from the local supermarket. It was agreed that round cheeses would add considerably to the spectacle and the Accountant's objection on the grounds of cost was over-ruled.

The committee wishes to thank all those who helped organise and took part on the day and we look forward to seeing you at the Magistrates Court when I'm sure that any mis-understandings can be ironed out.

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